"What is
REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near
the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean
having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real
isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that
happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just
to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It
doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes
a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break
easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.
Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved
off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very
shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
-Excerpt From the "Velveteen Rabbit"
When I began to write this post I decided to look at the above "Velveteen Rabbit" quote and it nearly brought me to tears. Not only does it encompass the story of "Shea", but also the story of Jazz. There have been times that she has been convinced that she is not a person and is not worth anything. She even one day looked me in the eye, while at a doctor's appointment after I got hurt in the midst of one if her neuro-behavioral rages, and tearfully told me that it was time. When I asked for what, she replied that it was time for her to be "put down" and that she was going to be brave and just let the doctor do it. She was referring to the process in which a sick or rage filled animal is euthanized by a vet. I still cry thinking about that statement she made. She genuinely believed that she was not worthy of life anymore because of the mistakes she has made as a result of her TBI.
Jazz is frequently seen as "ugly" to those who do not know or understand her. The
Skin Horse in the story explained beautifully that life is not always
easy and even hurts, but in the end it's worth it because of the love
you receive that makes you real and understood by others.
Jazz has her own Velveteen Rabbit. It is her stuffed puppy named, "Shea". Shea is by all accounts real and she is a physical manifestation of the emotions within Jazz. Shea was the first thing we ever bought for Jazz and they have inseparable ever since. At first she was just named, "Puppy." When Jazz was 3, she officially gave her the name, "Shea". Shea has traveled everywhere with Jazz and has been through everything with her. Often times Jazz would inform us that Shea was sad or angry. Shea has been thrown, stepped on, vomited on, and loved more than any stuffy I have ever seen in my life. Shea helped Jazz learn to express her feelings and see that no matter what happens: forgiveness is always waiting for her, even the biggest mess can be cleaned up and seem like brand new, and a hug can cure everything from a scrape to a wounded heart.
It doesn't matter how ugly a person's behaviors or words are, there is always more to the story and real emotions underneath it. Our ability to feel and experience emotions not only makes us human, but real as well. You cannot appreciate happiness without anger, nor joy without sadness. At the end of our journey, we all end up with some loose joints, broken eyes, and weak skin. However, as the old Skin Horse so wisely said, it is love that lasts the longest. So please, never forget to love. No one should ever miss out on the chance to become real, no matter who they are, where they came from, or what they have done.
Much Love!
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| Shea on their first day together |
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| Shea a few months ago |
